Current location:	Roehampton
Current mood:	tired
Entry tags:	tips for punters

It may be a year later, but no, I still can't squeeze a half into a third pint glass.

Why on earth would I give you a discount for being the master brewer of the beer you asked for? You sold it to CAMRA; it's ours now!

If you think £8.90 is an expensive round, go buy four pints in the West End.

If you notice that your tipple of choice is at the far end of the bar, it's always appreciated if you follow me when I go to get it so I don't have to bring it back, especially if you've ordered three whole pints. (Thank you!)

Holding out your glass, or waving a hand when I call out "who's next?" is the best way to get served. Waving your money in my face when I'm pulling a pint for someone else is the best way to get ignored.

When a bartender does shout "who's next please?" don't jump in and order if you've already started a round with someone else - it makes totting up the price far more confusing, especially if one returns before the other and you ask "does that include the drinks I ordered off him/her?" - no, it doesn't, because we can't read each others' minds.

Don't order a drink from the far end of the bar, wait until I return to order a second one of the same, wait again and then order yet another. One trip up the other end of the bar and back is mildly annoying, twice is irritating, three times is infuriating - and judging by the smirk on your face as I get back, you know it. I'm not here for your personal amusement.

If you hand me a pint glass marked with third, half and full pint lines and tell me the beer you want but not how much you want of it, having to ask how much doesn't make me a dumb bitch... and I've just kept your glass and started serving somebody else.

It's Friday night. You have been queuing for about 10 minutes, probably. Don't wait until you get to the bar to decide what you want. And if you've ordered four pints, and I tell you the price as I pull the first, don't want until I've put the last one down to start sorting your money out. I mean, I don't mind too much - but the "for fuck's sake" from the punter behind you
suggested they might have been a bit irritated with you.

Hint: beers with names like Black Beck Belle are often dark beers. Yes, I know it has a blonde woman on the pump clip. That doesn't make it a blonde beer.