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29 · non-binary (they/them) · neurodiverse · spoonie · queer femme · NSO & trainee zebra · polyamorous · burned-out activist · geek.



♥ coffee ♥ roller derby ♥ photography ♥ knitting ♥ exploring ♥ creating ♥

tajasel: Katie, with a purple wig on. (Default)
Good bit of having a seen exam: I get to see questions in advance.
Bad bit of having a seen exam: the questions.

(Well, not the questions, because I know what I want my answers to be - it's just remembering those answers...)

The questions were released at 10am on Friday, I got to see them at 11am. By 11:35, I was on a train to the library to acquire books.

At 12:10, as I walked up to the library, I realised that because I am a total ADHD-brained spoon, my wallet, containing the student card that gains me access to the library, and permission to remove books from the building, was at home on the kitchen table.
By 12:30, my distinctive rainbow coloured hat had gained me access to the building, and agreement that I could leave any books I wanted in a locker for a few hours, whilst I went home again to get my card.

After a few hours of revision, at 15:30, I went to put the books in a locker and discovered I needed a £1 coin to do so. I had a £1 coin... in my wallet. On the kitchen table at home.

I managed to persuade a friendly librarian to leave the books behind the counter for me to pick up:
Librarian: "But you're asking to hide books from other students so that they can't borrow them. I can't let you do that."
Me:"If I had my library card with me, I'd be hiding them IN MY HOUSE and they wouldn't be able to borrow them then."
Librarian:"Oh, I suppose you're right..."


I returned home, with books, at 18:00, had dinner, and revised for another couple of hours before going to bed. At 05:30, I was up again, so that I could be on the 06:35 train to uni and get into the library. Strangely enough, a university campus is like the zombie apocalypse at 7am on Saturday morning. I had the entire three floors of the library to myself, except for the snoozing security guard.

Got home again at 08:45, did another couple of hours revision at home, had brunch at 11, went to work at 12, got home at 20:50, reheated Friday night's leftovers for dinner, did more revision.

...woke up drooling into a textbook at 09:30 this morning, because the cat was trying to eat my foot.

No, really.

Fed the cat actual cat food, did more revision. Still feel like I'm remembering nothing.

I should probably take a break sometime soon. Lunch might be a good idea.
tajasel: Katie, with a purple wig on. (Default)
About 20 minutes ago, I get a phonecall off my manager, asking me to reset the boss' password, text it to him and ask him to please not forget his password when the main administrator is on a train without Internet access.

So, I booted up my Windows laptop, started VMware, went to the required server... and realised my own password is long and complicated enough to be nicely secure, but also flipping annoying to type in manually. Go to webmail, change my own password, log in to the server and reset the boss' password. Send the new password to the boss, and return to my other laptop at my desk.

And then I thought, "what did I just change my password to?"

Fortunately, I didn't log out of the Windows laptop when I was done, so I was able to return to VMware to reset my own password again. I am feeling a bit daft now, anyway.
tajasel: Katie, with a purple wig on. (Default)
A few minutes ago, I finished writing a reply to an email, stood up, went into the bathroom and had a shower. I grabbed my towel to dry off... and found that it was wet.

I then realised that I had had a shower already - about half an hour beforehand, I think - and totally forgotten about it.

It's better than forgetting to have a shower at all, I suppose, but I feel a bit silly now.
tajasel: Katie, with a purple wig on. (Default)
I went out to the Royal Mail sorting office about 40 minutes ago to collect some parcels which the postman couldn't be bothered to deliver on Friday and after doing my usual check of things I needed with me - wallet, keys, missed delivery card, bag to carry stuff home - I headed out the door and got about halfway down the street before some young lads hanging around on the grass between the house and the railway fencing started laughing at me, and one of them called out "I think you've forgotten something!"

They laughed even harder at the confused expression on my face, and then one of them helpfully pointed out that I was wearing my helmet.

It was at this point I realised I'd forgotten to pick up my bike.
tajasel: Katie, with a purple wig on. (Default)
In the words of [personal profile] gchick, "I have never EVER seen such a perfect PERFECT look at how the inside of my brain sounds".

Okay, some backstory here: around the age of 10 or so, I was diagnosed with ADHD, commonly known as that thing that makes kids climb the walls and behave like utter shits. I was given Ritalin, and I took that for about four years, I think - although when my mum decided to take me off them because she was concerned about what she was reading in the papers about it, it was about six months before I even noticed I wasn't taking it anymore.

When I eventually did notice, I kind of assumed that I'd been undiagnosed and went on with life believing that I just had epic issues with concentration that I had to just deal with. In reality, I was never formally discharged from the CAMHS unit, but now that I'm an adult, the tricks I learnt as an unmedicated teenager are all I have left.

At university, I knitted my way through lectures and student union meetings because having something to do with my hands kept my brain better focused. I set alarms to remind me to do things like eat and sleep because otherwise I wouldn't get around to it. I went into rooms, repeating to myself over and over why I was going in there so I didn't forget. I still use a lot of these tricks now, because it often feels like my brain is going eleventy billion miles an hour and without them, I wouldn't be able to keep up.

That's the easiest way to describe it. I'm thinking of two or three things whilst trying to work on a fourth, and then it's 3am and it turns out I forgot to go to bed. It's a constant battle to stay focused long enough to be able to do anything, and it's not that I can't be bothered or that I'm lazy: it's the exact opposite: I'm trying my damned hardest just to keep on task, let alone do it right.

Ask me to do something, and if I'm busy, I'll say "sure, in a minute" because I know that if I drop what I'm doing, it'll never get finished... but of course you can bet that that thing you asked me to do? You'll have to ask me again in half an hour, or an hour, or a day, because I'll have forgotten it 30 seconds later.

Whenever I get up from a seat on a train or a bus, I stop and look around to make sure I wasn't playing with my phone and put it down somewhere. I have a mantra for leaving the house: "wallet, keys, phone, Oyster". Whenever I need more than that, I pack my bag the night before. Then I check it again the next morning to make sure I didn't take something out and forget to put it back.

It's not all bad, though. I'm less hyperactive than I was when I was younger, but I still have the ability to hyperfocus, and I work well under stress and in noisy environments because I've learnt to block out external distractions. I'm rarely bored, and when I read fiction, I feel like I'm transported to another world because there is nothing in my head but me and the storyline. It's been noted that people with ADHD are generally determined, imaginative individuals with a great sense of empathy and intuition, that they're original and creative and when they meet a wall, they bounce back quickly - and I'm glad for having those traits, even if it means I have to put up with...

oooh, a shiny!
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